I confuse Myself after awhile! Here is the update as of January 29, 2015. Soooo.. Me the ex and the three youngest moved into My dream apartment, with the understanding that the ex would move out after 6 months. We tried.. well.. I tried, I think he was trying, I KNOW he loves Me, he tells Me everyday. I am just NOT in love with him, and I don’t like being in a relationship with him like that.
Since this whole back thing started with Me and I have not been able to return to work, he, the Ex has been great with paying the bills and being attentive to the fact that I can not do all the things I usually do. However, saying this, I also feel he is LOVING the fact that I am trapped at home, in the house, gaining back.. like I said in another post recently.. 15 pounds…
There are days I am miserable and cry all day long.. NOTHING resembling WHO I was, or am.. I don’t even know sometimes which it is. I know this is not going to be the way My life will be forever.. it is just a bump in the road to the rest of My life. I am good with My decision to be honest and tell the ex how I feel. He took it well, again, I think because of Me having to depend on him temporarily.
When you really think about it…Is THIS all there is? I mean, you find a mate, you have kids and you end up together, miserable for the rest of your lives?? F U C K THAT!!! Not gonna happen with Me.
Funny, even on My worst of days, I can still see the Sun.. shining on ME.. FOR ME.. When I am hating him, the ex, the most.. I still have the good thoughts running through My head, challenging the thoughts of hate.. He IS trying.. He IS paying the bills.. of course with some grumbling along the way. and there are arguments that get out of control, ending with Me losing My voice, most times. I try to keep it away from the kids, cuz THEY did NOT ask for this. THEY didn’t want US living together with their dad.. THEY knew better than Me…
Ill be damned!! I ADORE My children!!
Sleep well and dream in color!!